I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
