i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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