It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
