O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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