He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
