So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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