a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
