I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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