your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
