I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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