life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
