I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
