i was born a porn star she said
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
