1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
