the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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