I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
