So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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