I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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