whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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