i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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