Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It was confusing and full of hummus
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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