I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You pole danced in your parka.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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