Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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