Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
