well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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