Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
one might say we're banned from that church
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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