Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
