It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
