I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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