I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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