2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
