but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
