Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
