I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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