420 ftw
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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