so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
