i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
