My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
