She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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