it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
