also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
