oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
