if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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