Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
