The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
