I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
