I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
