I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
