Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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