All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
