Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
