Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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