It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
