I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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