This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
