somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
