Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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