i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...