Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.