What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.