well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3