We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.