She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse