you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
