all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in