he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
