I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
