she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
