Will you blow on my dice?
youre lurking in front of me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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