just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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