So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
