So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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