Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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