I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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